Subject:Love. Grade:F9.

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(29 gusht 2008-)
+11:06 e paradites]*

# Life!-

OH! Its been real long since my last post! haha..
Had been emo-ing last few months. But guess the emo-ing process is over~!
^.^
Exams over! Just have my holiday since last week.
Oh well. Got to work for M-O-N-E-Y!! Money money.
Money means everything.
Alright, gotta spend time with friends too! =)

What's life..?
Kept asking myself recently. If life's all about money, then i guess it's quite dull.
Why live life den?
It could be better off if I'm dead, at least i'll get those paper money with lots of "0s"! lols..

It struck me when i saw an old couple holding hands walking across the road.
Perhaps life's all about finding the right partner?
Well.. Tat's practically what i'm living for and moving on now.
To find my partner! My the other half.. =]

My motivation.

I hope that's not how we end..;
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(9 qershor 2008-)
+6:35 e pasdites]*

# Life..?-

Life is'nt great anymore..
meaningless..?
empty?
lonely..
i dont wanna hear anything!
But i dont wanna be alone..
happy belated birthday to me..

I hope that's not how we end..;
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(15 maj 2008-)
+4:59 e paradites]*

# dusty!-

wow.. its dusty here.. time for a new look..
shall go search for new blogskin..
hmm.. alot has happened..
My philosophy: Never leave regrets in life..
Tats wad i always tin we live for..
haha..
I guess i did it..
No regrets.

Ytd work, first time felt ck's care..
Knew he is already exhausted, but still, he offers to play dota..
Hey bro, thanks! =]
I can feel it..
But i noe sam don lyk u keep on stay out at night too, so don quarrel cuz of me ar!
=x
Was already broke since school reopen,
But these few weeks work n work, Slowly regaining my balance financially..
yea, u're right, i work n work, abit neglected my studies..
Afterall, studies more important right?? haha..
But still, no money to survive where will have future? =x
ARGH!!!
Don se de to buy contact lens..
30bucks!
OMG..
this one im wearing now is lyk been for a month plus reaching two..
lol.. If one day im blind, i guess all of u will noe why..
Hey guys, a few big days are coming reeeaaal SOOON..!
wahahahahahaha..
Looking forward to it..
But wads next after all these..
Can only be silently.. alone..

I hope that's not how we end..;
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(29 mars 2008-)
+8:00 e paradites]*

# Lonely..-

Feeling so lonely again. Upon knowing all my bros going in army, this feeling of solitude envelops my whole heart. Got this thought of joining army together with them. But im afraid i'll lose interest in studying after completing my national service.

"You better go find another group of frens la, our side no hope liao!"

All the more i feel lonely after hearing one of them saying this..

Now, even when they are still outside, im alrdy feeling so so so alone. After they go in, im really afraid i cant look up to anyone when i needed someone there for me.

All of the sudden, i feel so afraid of scool reopening. Im afraid, i wont have time for those impt ppl in my life. Im afraid, they will leave me cuz we've got lesser time tgt.

Do i really have to learn to let go in this life?? Learn to be independent??
Who can i look forward to?

I hope that's not how we end..;
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(9 mars 2008-)
+5:05 e paradites]*

# Bitter.-

S.I.A.N.!
Really wonder how life can be so boring lyk mine now..
Sad.. Haiz..
I wanna work..
But i don lyk sales line..
=( But Joanne told us tat Topshop hiring ppl..
Shall i go for it??
At Wisma though.. hmm..
The pay's okok la..
But it'll mean my days at home are numbered if i were to be hired..
AHhhhh!!
Hate making decisions lyk these..

I hope that's not how we end..;
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(7 mars 2008-)
+5:57 e pasdites]*

# -

Things in life arent easy yea?
Going through all alone is tough..
So God made us frens, perhaps?
To ensure us tat loneliness wont pester us any longer when we felt it..

But sometimes loneliness still seem to follow us anywher, everywher.
Its the feelings inside,
I should describe it as "emptiness".
I do feel empty from time to time..
I guess everyone does?
Even when we've everything, things we want so much, it still does follow us..

Sometimes, just wish tat someone who truly knows me might appear.
So tat he/she can really understand me..
But i'd become so "predictable" while facing tat person, isnt it?
Its not something good too, rite?

Life is contradicting! =)
Shall update again soon.

I hope that's not how we end..;
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(28 shkurt 2008-)
+8:51 e pasdites]*

# hey hey!-

Power la!
Feel so energetic ytd when i oli hav had 2 curry-puffs for the straight whole day..
First time..
xD
Was so damn hungry, but was working..
So all i could eat was tat "delicacy" in tat coffee shop..
When i found out i really muz get food, it was alrdy 3am plus.
Hmm..
I can go on diet too eh??
=]
It sure is tough..

I hope that's not how we end..;
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You typed: code

secrets
2008, March 22nd, 1330,
I am xinfu pig! x) She told me i am.. I feel i am too..! Just wanna hold on to tis feeling a little longer, forever.. I miss her..

2008, March 17th, 0120,
AHHHHH!! Jealousy is enveloping me again!! Hate it Hate it Hate it!! Haha.. Its quite serious though.. But i guess i shouldnt let her noe.. Im trying my best to contain wad is it im feeling each time.. Luckily tis time, i manage to stop asking her stupid questions whic might lead us to quarrel.. Hmm.. In the midst of feeling low, I listen to tis song!
Ji De Ai.. Somehow, i feel better. Nice song!! =] I'll love her, always..

2008, March 13th, 2305,
Gal's troubled again! Why cant i help her.. I really feel so down when i noe she's being troubled. And i thk she just quarrelled wif someone of her family.. I finally knew, those troubles she have, and im starting to see more clearly, why's she so troubled in the past.. I really wish she'd tell me her problems.. Share wif me.. At least, complain to me.. Im so afraid tat thers tis another guy she'd call whenever shes troubled.. But i don dare to tell her.. Cuz i kept telling myself, "tis isnt the rite time." Im really afraid, I might add burden to her.. Juz lyk my heart whic shes holding.. Its heavy..

2008, March 8th, 1015,
Haha.. Found tat most of the time only updated sad stuff.. Guess i should update some happy times wif ya here too, yea? Went out wif gal on Febuary 29th!

She initiated for us to go out tgt on tat day.. I bet tat was a Good Friday. xD
Was really delighted when i saw tat msg.. For a second, really tot i was dreaming.. Things had a change, ever since. We went out on 29th Feb, its our first date! Watched movie, The Water-Horse. But wad i enjoyed wasnt really the movie, it was being able to be wif her. Though tat show did entertain me a little.. =]

From tat day onwards, we've not really had a fight. Just hope nothing will change her mind from being tgt wif me. Cuz i really couldnt let her go anymore.. Now, im really feeling the meaning of "hate that i love u"..

I love you..

2008, Febuary 29th, 0110,
Ytd saw u, u face look restless.. U'd better really take good care of urself ok? Im really worried. Got to worry bout ur decision. And got to worry bout ur well-being.. Ur face look really pale. So pls pls pls, have enough rest, drink enough water, and watch ur diet, dont eat heaty stuff k? Don fall sick le..

Planned on asking u out on the 29th of feb. Cuz tis date, its memorable. I truly found ur presence by tat sms.. Rmb? Saying tat on the 29th of feb, u're getting engage and stuff. Tot it'll be most wonderful if u'd agree to go out wif me on 29th feb, today.. But now, i don even noe if we can continue until the next 29th feb.. My hands, they doesnt wan to let go.. of u..

2008, Febuary 28th, 1333,
I've so much I planned on saying. But when i face u. Those words i utter doesnt seem to make any sense. U're nice. All u did was smile, as u din noe how u should react. No matter wad i've done for u, no matter how sincere i am, i still cannot bury tat pain in u.. Im incompetent. Sorry.

2008, Febuary 23rd, 0707,
We fought, i bleed, but the pain wasnt as excruciating as the one inside..
I tot I could vent it all out.
But still, its there.
The pain.
Its there.

I didnt wan to mention abt her leaving me. But after she not replying, I tot for sure tat is wad was on her mind.
Her reply, tells me, she cares. Why must I act strong in front of her..? I just doesnt noe which to comply. My promise? Or my love for her?

Aft tat last tym, I really love her, I am sure, she is tat gal I am waiting for. I knew it deep within, tat there will still be a very high possibility tat we'll get disappointed over a particular subject. And I know, it was too painful for her to go through all these. She might just choose to gif up and move on wifout me. She told me, parting is parts and parcel of life. And it might just turn out to be a test for the both of us. I got upset merely over tat msg.
Why am i so fragile?
I must be strong.
Den, she told me to do everything, not for her, but for myself.
I got upset again.
I am fragile.
But i must stay strong.

I really cant bear to leave her.. But i doesnt wan her sympathize and come back to me. So i told myself, i must stay strong. Even if she's to leave me, i will stay strong.

But i cant. She meant too much to me. Despite the wounds and injuries, all are nth compared to wad's dwelling inside of me. Those feelings, too strong, they are bringing me down.

She's really getting hurt by me. Far too much. She deserves a better guy. Perhaps someone who will really treat her way better dan i do.

Her staying silence, meant shes completely hurt. I guess its too late.
But tis shall be the last time..
Im sorry.
I love you, Pamela...

2008, Febuary 18th, 0140,
If love is tis simple, we might not have been tgt. Cuz if love is tis simple, u might hav been tgt wif another guy, happily passing everyday. If love is tis simple, we might not hav found each other's existence, turning us into "passer-bys" in each of our lives. Love isnt simple, when u complicate it. But love CAN BE simple. It is something sacred, something which only concern two parties. Love brought us tgt. And now, love is the one separating us. No. Love isnt the culprit, the complication is. I've said tis hundreds of times, I don care abt how ppl look at us, how they laugh at us, how they scold me an idiot, how they look down on OUR relationship, cuz i knew, none of them hav felt tis way. Just believe me gal. By the time, we get through, the world will never be the same. Love will be simple when u thk it is.. loves..

2008, Febuary 11th, 0415,
I was soooOOO afraid i might not be able to post about e both of us ever again..! But im glad im still here posting, about us. =) These few days, lots have happened between u n me. Can i say tat we've been through parting wif one another? Hehe.. So much have happened, and we're still tgt. One thing's for sure, i noe im loving u deeper n deeper. Ur feelings for me has faded, so has ur trust in me. I was so despired when i heard tat from u. I tot ther was tis "guy" who has took u away from me. Forever. Glad u're still giving me tis chance to be wif u.. I love u..! =x Anw, i've finished my probabtion, havnt i? =) u're my gal now, n u'll be my gal for my future.. Tat's how i wan it to be.. Loveya.

2008, Febuary 6th, 0239,
I love you.

2008, Febuary 1st, 2156,
Few days back, we had some sorta fight over why couldnt i reveal our relationship to my brothers. It was utmost discouraging when i heard,"can i say no?". I tot aft so long, somehow, u might wan to reveal it slowly. But it seems i were wrong about it. From how u speak, i sense, u din even hav the plans for revealing.
Then, i tot again. I love u, dont i?
Wad really matters in tis relationship?
Wads the point of revealing if it'll put it at stake?
I guess all tat it matters is for us to enjoy being tgt. I couldnt believe i was ur first guy, so now, im starting to understand y sometimes u react differently.. Y u wouldnt wan ppl to know abt us. I hope, soon, u'll see the importance of letting ppl noe rather dan their gossips abt us. U're new to tis tingy called "Love". I'll guide u through from start til end of the journey,
NEVER ever leaving u alone. Love..

2008, January 18th, 0052,
She felt so down today. Being her guy, i couldnt share her burden wif her. Sometimes, just felt tat Im so useless! But I guess it was too painful for her to recount for me about wad happened. At least she confided in someone else. I tot so to comfort myself. Or mayb im still not her guy enough for her to share her burden wif me?.. Its depressing just to think about it tat way. But I'll nv gif up! Until one day, no matter its joy or sorrow, she will share it wif me. For i will be tat one and only guy in her heart. Like how shes in mine, now.. Just felt so heart-broken to see her in such state, to hear her saying she cried, and i wasnt ther for her.. I dont wanna see her suffer! I wish for tat day for me to take care of her will come soon.. Cuz i'll nv ever even try to upset her, even if it means getting all depressed by myself...

2008, January 11th,
I finally got a job! Being a Macdonald's delivery assistant, earning $5/hr.. Easy job though, but i've got to sacrifice my time being tgt wif her. It seemed so long since the last time i was chatting wif her on phone. And finally, we've got the chance to do so! Was happily chatting.. Until i called her "老婆".. My mood went all the way down. I know very well tat both of us cant promise one another eternity.. But at least, not to keep mentioning something whic link tat one day we might part will be better..? I called her tat.. And her reaction was, "siao ar, tat wan u next tym call another person de!" Imagining tat u called ur loved ones tat from the bottom of ur heart. How does it feel to get tis reply...? I know wad shes implying. We might not be partners for life in future, rite? I know, i know tat.. But why must she mention it..? I just hate it.. Hate to hear tat.. After tat, i din know wad i should reply her, so i kept quiet.. I guess, i should find a way to face it. Juz hope, we will last longer dan we expected it to be..

2007, December 25th,
We started off tgt on this date! She is the best christmas present i ever got. My heart was throbbing real fast when i was about to ask tat simple little question. I guess it was hard to believe for someone of my "skin" to be so nervous for tis.. Cuz she meant everything.. Though it was underground, but i guess, tats enough for me.. Thanks for giving me tis chance, to be wif u.. Now, i promised myself tat not in a million chance will i let u get disappointed in tis relationship. Cuz i hope, we will last forever.. You are my everything... Misses.. ________________________________________________

You typed: code

secrets

3rd June, 2008

I miss her.. alot alot.. Dont know if she knows about it, or felt lyk tis for me before.. I see in her replies, she's giving up.. Everytime when i think here, theres tis feeling tat i couldnt find my heart anymore.. My heart, my feelings, all gone, left with a living-dead body of me.. Tis sinking feeling, since last week, i tot it'll forsake me forever.. But it came back again.. Just cuz at the time when i miss her most, i did something out of her definition of "secret".. Did she, besides angry n disappointed, saw how much i missed her..? My heart's bleeding, my eyes tearing.. Shes treating me just lyk any other frens now.. I dont wanna let go of her.. I really dont..! Saw her blog entries, even wifout me by her side, shes still living so happily.. Shes still living so happily.. Looking for her handsome by the window.. Wad am i doing down here? I dont wan to think.. I just wan to keep tis love for her. Never forgetting, never regretting.. My blog's dead, guess nobody reads it anymore.. hope no one will see such a useless side of me.. -I am a coward

10th June, 2008,

Sometimes, looking at her blog, i felt envious, so jealous of her.. Shes having a good life out there.. WeiKang, wad are u doing dwindling here?? She have lots of frens, yes.. Shes cute, yes.. She beautiful, yes.. In a sense, shes just the gal to hav as a galfren.. I noe, out there there are lots of suitors for her.. I noe, even if i let her go so generously, she'd nv come back.. I noe, mayb the next guy she met, they will have an open relationship, so close, tat everyone will be envious.. I noe, life's nv fair.. She asked me to be positive, im trying really hard.. But somehow, i could tell, she told me tat cuz she wanted me to pass my birthday happily.. It wasnt so happy afterall.. I drank, i vomited.. I felt high, but those unhappiness still haunts me.. Seeing her living so happily tis few days.. Seeing her not going through my birthday wif me.. I dont know wad i wan anymore.. Wants her to know, my heart's wif her.. It really is.. I don wanna view her blog again.. It hurts to see, shes living happily wifout me.. But i love her.. isnt happiness wad i wanted her to have?? I just wan to be happy tgt wif her.. i regret it.. it'll be the 1 and only regret in my life.. i swear.
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