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(31 gusht 2007-)
+1:20 e pasdites]*
# 黑色幽默-
歌曲:黑色幽默
歌手:周杰伦 专辑:the one
难过是因为闷了很久
是因为想了太多
是心理起了作用
你说苦笑常常陪着你
在一起有点勉强
该不该现在休了我
不想太多我想一定是我
听错弄错搞错
拜托我想是你的脑袋有问题
随便说说
其实我早已经猜透看透不想多说
只是我怕眼泪撑不住
不懂你的黑色幽默
想通却又再考倒我
说散你想很久了吧
我不想拆穿你
当作是你开的玩笑
想通却又再考倒我
说散你想很久了吧
败给你的黑色幽默
我的认真败给黑色幽默
I hope that's not how we end..;
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+11:20 e paradites]*
# Its not easy..-
A story; my story:
Everything started when we were there. Stressless, simply having no worries of what would happen the next minute or wadsoever. All that we were seeking was fun, happiness that can't be sought in our everyday life here in Singapore. A long lost feeling suddenly strike me, just the same way as it struck her. I was so happy, being able to share those same pieces of memories. At least, that was how I felt. Memories.
Soon after, we've to get back to reality, once again having those stress and troubles intruding our lives. Yes, we were back in Singapore. And that should be the start of her nightmare?
With that feeling, I started contacting her, with the intention to find out how she feels about me. It turned out that we have feelings for one another. But there were simply too many obstacles in front of us, invisible to me. So, coming together wasn't so good a choice for us, according to her.
Time and again, I told myself never to give up changing her mindset. I wanted to tell her, love is blind.
Finally, my persistence gave way to her unwavering logic. I start to worry, when the period being so close with her will end. And I started talking much more lesser in front of her.
I thought of taking a gamble, a gamble which ought to be lost.
Many times when I was sending her home, I buck up my courage to hold her hands. But it'd always turn out that her hands wasn't free. She will always be holding on to her handphone, or folding her arms. There wasn't a chance, until one time, when i teased her and she slaps my back with her right hand. My instinct told me, it's now or never.
"OUCH! 痛lei..!"
"会meh?"
"会啦!人家讲手小打人很痛的.. 给我看你的手!"
She undoubtedly lifted up her right hand, and I tried to pretend observing it, then swiftly hold her right with my left hand.
There was a pause, I think she couldn't comprehend wad I've done so quickly afterall.
Den after a moment, she came to realise that she had been cheated. haha.. She tried to shake it off, but I hold on to her hand, not wanting to let go. I suddenly felt like I was forcing her, and so I let her free. It has become one of my best memories with you... Wad about you? =)
The gamble was still on.
There was a second time, and it was the last time. As usual, I somehow "force" her to let me send her home. However, I didn't want to force her to let me hold her hand this time. I saw her holding her handphone on her left hand. And the opportunity came.
"给我看你的电话!"
"我不要。你给我看你的先啦!"
She pass me her handphone, I tried to pretend by pressing a few buttons on it, now her hand is free.
"我可以牵你的手吗?"
I saw her smile. I was still afraid though, that I might get rejected.
She nodded. My heart was pumping fastest. We walk down the road in the middle of the night, holding hands.
"你的手,只有我可以牵哦..."
She nodded again. The sweet smile on her face is one thing that would be difficult for me to forget. I suppose that was the happiest moments, with you. The happiness was indescribeable. Yet, unforgettable..
I have yet to forget these memories..
Memories you say that was all that you wanted..
I know why.. I understand..
I din know even till now, I've been making your life so miserable.
That's not what I wanted. No.
I don't mind you rejecting me, for bgr thingy or on 090807 for going to his birthday..
As long as you dont feel sad ya.
I will try my best to engrave these memories in my mind. I promise. I love you.
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(29 gusht 2007-)
+10:23 e pasdites]*
# 思念是一种病-
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
一辈子有多少的来不及
发现已经失去
最重要的东西
恍然大悟早已远去
为何总是在犯错之后
才肯相信错的是自己
他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
汲汲营营
忘记身边的人需要爱和关心
藉口总是拉远了距离
不知不觉无声无息
我们总是在抱怨事与愿违
却不愿意回头看看自己
想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
多久没有说我爱你
多久没有拥抱你所爱的人
当这个世界不在那黱美好
只有爱可以让他更好
我相信一切都来得及
别管那些纷纷扰扰
别让不开心的事停下了脚步
就怕你不说就怕你不做
别让遗憾继续一切都来得及
I hope that's not how we end..;
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+12:45 e pasdites]*
# It's a day to remember? haha..-
Finally buck up my courage to tell my "heart problem" (xim peir) to my bro le..
But din noe make u so pressured n stress??
Hmm.. Hope u really don't have anytin u put on ur heart din say out bah..
Anw, frankly speaking, really treasure the 5 of our brotherhood..
More than anything? At the moment bah.. =x
But really felt sorry if u feel stress and pressured.. Haiz..
Today still considering whether to take up caleb's job.. But sales line is not really wad i preferred..
Quotas and targets.. Pressure sia.. haha..
But good thing is got to work wif bro^^..
So still considering la..
But i thk got to be quick le.. If not very hard to get jobs..
Haiz.. Also dunno how to ask for leave if i got the job..
Cant work on 13th, 14th & 15th sept..
Den plus 6th, 7th, 8th & 9th oct..
12th, 13th & 14th oct also..
Doubt if any company would actually hire some worker lyk me.. haha..
So.. There goes my admin job! =(
Too bad..
Tired le.. got to go prepare for bed..
Slacking at home tml again.. haha..
Mornings! =x
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(27 gusht 2007-)
+4:28 e pasdites]*
# Lacking behind..-
Is it different from the past??
Or was it the same as before?
I don't know which is my preference.
My confidence come and fades away.
Each time, doubting myself whether Im the one?
It's not like I doesn't want to contact you,
I was afraid you might get bored talking to me.
Where exactly can I get my confidence?
When can I be so sure of myself?
That Im the one you need..
Haiz.. Wasted a few days, AGAIN!
Cuz havn't go to the agency to look for job..
Guess I'll get things started by today? It ain't easy..
gtg.. take care peeps..
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(24 gusht 2007-)
+5:52 e pasdites]*
# i'm sorry.. it came so late.-
It's not how i wanted it to be..
Letting you cogitating wild lyk this..
Obscuring your life so much, it hurts to see..
Visualising the happiness we should have had been..
Enigmatical it may seem..
Yanking back from cerebration..
Obtaining the explaination to my satisfaction..
Unveiling the truth from me to you,
and that is I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U..
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(23 gusht 2007-)
+8:33 e pasdites]*
# postings.-
Nowadays either too lazy, or im too busy to post..
Finally, my examinations are over. Can have a peace of mind now.
Holidays!! ^^ Thinking of looking for a job. Quite difficult though.
And im not too sure myself what kind of job im looking for either.
Admin jobs? heh.. Never try before, maybe should give it a try?
But i heard from my frens saying his admin job needs a resume, then have to wear formal for the interview. omg.
Formal isn't a problem. The real prob is the resume part!
I don't even know what to write in my resume. haha..
Perhaps should approach my frens to get the idea of how to do up one..
Since all of us might need one. Might as well learn to do one now.
Ytd went to work at Swiss Club, $7/hr. Felt quite nice working there though.
But too bad, they doesn't have functions everyday. Haiz..
I thought I can get to work today too. But last minute cancelled! =(
Hey!! i did this and thought the result was quite well.. lol..
Alright! Lets review my examination process. This time, im particularly stress. I dunno why. Maybe it's bcuz everyone around me seem lyk so hardworkingly studying. I can't help but to feel the sudden urge to ask myself, "wad am i doing?".
The ppl in polytechnic, they are truly the "mugger" type. The times that I can get good grades without really studying is over. Cuz they know their directions, which way to mug in order to get to the top. I know Im not the poorest, but i just cant stand it, finding myself in the middle of the rank, nethier good nor bad. This will get me nowhere.
Due to the immense stress and pressure, i resorted to the usual "de-stress" style, looking up for my bros and frens to go out with them. However, i found that i couldn't find any of them, when i need them most. Why do i not study when i should?
Cuz i know i couldn't take it no more. im at my limit. Loneliness started engulfing me. It's so dark, im so afraid im truly alone. Up until now, it's not over yet. Maybe this is life? Maybe each and everyone of u has went through this already? But frankly, if this is life, i'd rather not live.
During this examination period, i found myself losing directions, directions leading my life to things which i feel one must succeed in. I've lost it, and i've lost it all. Walking down this period of my life, aimlessly alone, feeling only incompetence, things couldn't get any worst than this.
I hope I can adapt to my school environment asap. The change was too great for me to overcome, adopt, and adapt. And im trying to tell myself, im not alone, im not alone.. I hope this shit will be over soon..
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(18 gusht 2007-)
+7:16 e paradites]*
# Forgotten-
Forget my presence guys..
I hope that's not how we end..;
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+6:42 e paradites]*
# Examsss!! =(-
Nowadays having examinations..
So stress.. haiz..
Today just finish my second paper, and i mean FINISH..!
My management is done for..
Haiz.. So sad la.. Might fail this module..
Cuz this examination is 50% overall..
omg..
I thk I alrdy loss 50 marks from the paper itself today...
Dont even noe wad myself is talking about..
But the paper isn't that hard..!
Just that I cant memorise all the stuff..
Sianz.. If fail den have to re-take this module again..
Den I will not be the main-stream student anymore..
No more priviledge to choose my own time-table and stuff..
Was actually thking to re-take the whole sem.. lol..
But I dont thk its quite possible la..
So no choice.. Just move on and wish for the better next sem..
First time feeling so stressed up..
Felt much more stress than my 'O's last year..!
Mayb cuz the surrounding people??
Makes me feel so incompetent..
So insignificant.. Haiz..
One thing for me to feel relieve about should b holidays r near?
I guess so..
But I dont thk I will feel any much happier either..
Cuz cant even find ppl out now..
Holidays wont b as stressful i hope??
After the holidays, shall fight war again..
I have my target..
I shall develop commitment to it..
And strive for it..
We shall see..
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(11 gusht 2007-)
+12:47 e pasdites]*
# Damn happy.. XD-
Wow.. Quite long nv update my blog le..
Haha.. Cuz nowadays free jiu watch anime..
Jialat liao la.. dunno when den can start studying..
Haiz..
But i told myself shall start next monday no matter wad..
Cuz the exam is on next friday..
Starting at four days before the exams.. Dunno if i can really make it??
Hmm..
My target, 3.5 gpa for this first sem in poly.. At least..
I thk four days should b enough if i focus solely on studying..?
Haiz.. Sianz la!!
First two exam is on very theory based!! Blaw and Bmgt..
Haiz.. Got tonnes to study.. Den after tat is Macroecons.. My favourite!! =]
But wif those two before it... I guess my "morale" should be quite low upon reaching the third paper..
Last week and this week got to work.. So not tat "tight" anymore.. haha..
OH YA! Watched the movie "Secret"! Damn nice laaaa!!!
Waseh.. Touching.. =]
But i din cry though.. Just felt tat it was fantastic.. haha..
So happy after watching it.. guess watching movie is becoming one of my favourite past time!! XD
Ex though.. But who cares.. Haha..
So envy Jay Chou la..
He played his piano reaaal well.. lol..
Shall work hard on my guitar too! =P
Its 4am in the morning now.. Nowadays just slp at 5am.. Dunno y.. Guess i use to it liao.. haha..
Hmm.. Something kinda unexpected happened today!! XD
It was too wonderful.. i tot it must have been a dream..
If its a dream.. I hope i'll never wake up in my slumber..
If its the reality, i'd kindly oblige..
I've set my eyes on you, for its time to start anew.. ^^
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(4 gusht 2007-)
+11:51 e paradites]*
# my leg...T-T-
WAHHH!!!..
Haha.. So happy today..
Cuz work wif our own ppl! =D
Den can get money somemore..
To "celebrate" pam's birthday, they drop her down the BABY POOL..
LOL..! Cuz shes got her hp wif her la.. haha..
Anw, her birthday was ytd.. =)
Den after tat she got wet, AND GOT MAD..! lol..
Go around making ppl wet lor! walao..
Was one of her VICTIMS..!!
So bo bian, my reflex was to pour her bac..
Haha.. B4 tat she alrdy abit siao siao liao..
Even took one bottle of water, chasing after me trying to make me wet la..
Crazy.. Den I ran into a place so dark, I cant even see the steps..
With a jump, I landed with the side of my right leg..
Damn la..
Everytime tio my feet wan lor..
This time is damn pain.. Damn painful..
Haha.. Now swollen liao.. Hope it has got nothing to do with my bones.. =X
Cant blame her though..
If I hadnt k kiang go jump, this might not have happened..
Stupid la..
I thk some day, my feet will soon be "out of service" lor..
Haiz.. Dont feel lyk going tml..
To my fren's company in tpy..
Den plus my leg lyk tat..
But cannot la.. Lata he thk I k siao k siao try and make up excuses..
Haha..
Plus I promise him liao.. So die die also muz go..
Haiz.. Hope my leg will recover b4 National Day!! lol..
Den can go wif long and leb to the party at sentosa...!
Haha.. Looking forward to it la..
Party at sentosa! =D
I hope.. I hope..
I hope that's not how we end..;
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(2 gusht 2007-)
+7:08 e paradites]*
# LAZY!-
PS!!! Haha..
Nowadays either is too busy or too lazy to post..
haha..
Cuz nowadays Im on ANIME SPHREE!! lol..
Crazy watching One Piece..
Nice sia.. Cant stop watching liao..
Got three hundred over episodes la.. Now oli half way nia..
lol.. Addicted liao la..
And I can annonce tat Im totally B-R-O-K-E liao lor..
Sianz la..
Today in scool..
The poa tutor damn sacarstic..
Haha.. But I couldnt defend myself oso la..
Its my fault anw..
She just announce to everybody about the participation percentage for the module..
And she said usually everyone in her module will pass the 10% weightage..
But tis sem quite exceptional..
GOT ONE FAILURE..
And u're right.. TATs ME..!
Damn la..
Its not lyk I din "participate" during class..
Its just tat I din noe tat late will actually get myparticipation marks deducted..
AHHH..
Wadever la..
Just let her deduct..
At most oso lose 10% nia..
Now just have to focus and study for the Exam and score REAL well..
Haiz.. Sianz la..
At first still got the momentum for the "motivation" to strive in this course de lor..
But tis kinda crap came up..
Wads done cant be undone anw.. so just let it be la..
Den pray hard tat I'll change during the next sem! haha..
Alrite! Shall stop here!..
Off to watch One Piece.....
I hope that's not how we end..;
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